It was a hot day in July.  I was invited to my cousin’s condo pool for the afternoon.  He and his wife (now his ex) were having an afternoon get together. I had an early morning eye doctor appointment, then planned to head to the condo.

   As I was leaving the doctor’s office, I spotted a pair of sunglasses. The turquoise sparkle was more than I could resist. I convinced myself that I was worthy of such a purchase, and headed towards the condo.

    Before I continue, I need to set up a scenario that will lead to the climax of my story. My farmer hubby had taken the car to get new tires.  Needless to say, I was left with the farm truck.

        Now every country girl realizes that with the help of Mother Nature, there is always a small collection of soil mixed with manure, in the back of a pick up.

Along with that collection, Mother Nature usually throws in a few seeds that take root. Thus, in the back of the truck, a small corn seedling was peeping through the pile of earth.

  I considered this no big deal, in the life of a farm wife, and drove to the condo for afternoon festivities.

    As I pulled up to the pool, my cousin’s wife came to open the gate.  For practical purposes, I’ll name her Diva. Her attire…..  she wore a tiny bikini, high heels a gold bracelet and necklace.  Need I say more?  You get the picture.  He didn’t find this woman at Farmers Only.com.

        My new shades sparkled as I left my vehicle.

She stopped.  Her jaw dropped in awe as she exclaimed, ”Oh Sue!  You’re wearing D and G’s !”  I bounced back quickly, ”What the heck does that mean?”  She immediately realized that I was not a person of great fashion.

   “Why it means Dolce and Gabana, you should know better, by now. Haven’t I taught you better than that?”

              My country feathers were beginning to ruffle. My answer was direct, and to the point.

“Diva, I don’t shop Vera Wang or Montage as you do. I don’t have a closet filled with shoes and Coach Purses. I shop at TAR-GET’ , J.C. Pennet’, and KOH-ELS. What’s more, I’m driving around in a truck with a corn plant growing in the back.  So in my country vocabulary, I interpret D and G to represent Dirty and Gorgeous. Do you get my point?”

Now you understand why she’s my cousin’s ex-wife.