FRIENDSHIP…

ROCK ALONG WITH ME….REST IN YOUR COMFY CHAIR AND LISTEN TO THE SPIRIT WHO GUIDES ME…..

Todays topic…..TRUE FRIENDSHIP

The Book of Sirach Ch. 6:5-17

A kind mouth multiplies friends, and gracious lips prompt friendly greetings. Let your acquaintances be many, but one in a thousand your confidant.

When you gain a friend, first test him, and be not too ready to trust him. For one sort of friend is a friend when it suits him, but he will not be with you in the time of distress.

Another is a friend who becomes an enemy, and tells of the quarrel to your shame.

Another is a boon companion, who will not be with you when sorrow comes. When things go well, he is your other self, and lords it over your servants; but if you are brought low, he turns against you and avoids meeting you.

Keep away from your enemies; be on guard with your friends.

A faithful friend is a sturdy shelter; he who finds one finds a treasure. A faithful friend is beyond price. No sum can balance his worth. A faithful friend is a life-saving remedy, such as he who fears God finds;

For he who fears God behaves accordingly, and his friend will be like himself.

……………….

“No man is an island.” We cannot live without family, friends, and companions. However, Godly relationships are created when we listen to the Spirit about the choices we make.

Oh my….I have made some choices in the past that I have regretted Big Time! However, God through the Gift of Grace is merciful. Mistakes help us to learn and grow.

As I entered Jr. Hi/Hi School, Granny infiltrated me with life lessons, especially when it came to relationships. Drama among youth and bullying is over the top in the present. With the negative influence of media/ reality TV/technology, drama is glorified and magnified! How unfortunate for those youngsters whose parents have no idea how to parent. They breed drama, infidelity and live their lives with little values or morals.

I will never forget Granny’s words, as I was about to begin puberty. One of her wisdoms that formed my life is the following:

“As you mature and form friendships, you are going to be surrounded by a lot of new acquaintances. Make great choices about the people you hang out with. Your great grandfather always told me, ‘Show me your friends, and I’ll tell you who you are.’ Now that’s a wisdom that dates back to 1840.”

Her guidance about faith, morals, and saving it for the right man, resonated in the building of my character.

In 1972, as I was about to marry, she gave me a wisdom that still resonates in my marriage of 44 years.

“Even though you are going to be involved with building a new life with your husband, women need other women as GIRLFRIENDS. Choose wisely. Choose friends that will cherish your heart, soul, and inner most secrets.”

My maternal Granny lived next door to my paternal great-aunt. They were sisters of the heart. By the way, that’s how my parents got together. Those were the days when women didn’t work outside the home, and actually had time to visit on occasion during the day. As my very German ancestors stated, the “Ladies would always have their morning coffee klatch.”

There are some friends that God intends for you to “Let it go”. It’s time for you to move on. It’s not because you no longer care for that person. However, it’s ok in God’s eyes to move on when your “so-called friend” no longer nurtures you, the relationship brings you down, and it feels as though the albatross is around your neck. This recalls to me one of Granny’s Favorite Wisdoms: “Some friends come for a season. Some friends come for a reason.”

I learned that lesson first-hand years ago.

There have been several times in my life, especially in my youth, that a change of scenery was the healthy choice for me.

Recently I retired as a 30yr. educator. Some mothers were real drama coaches in their former lives. I’d smile, love them the best that I could, and allow their condemning words to roll off of me. That, my friends, is called teacher survival. Mothers would often want to become my nearest and dearest.      However, I formed those friends with a very Godly filter. I can think of 4 families out of the 100’s of students that I taught ,to whom I am truly close.

There was a parent whom I upheld as a prime example of a negative acquaintance.

She would go from friend to friend, stir up drama, and move on to another. When the other parents got on to her, their repulsion was so strong, that the drama queen pulled the child out of school. Now the child is home –schooled. Needless to say, the woman is avoided.

I’ve also experienced parents who followed this scenario: I was their child’s K Teacher. They welcomed me as forever family. When things didn’t go their way, and they couldn’t run me, or the school, they washed their hands of me (what a relief), and moved on . They are users and abusers.

 

When a close, personal acquaintance becomes lethal to the growth and nurturing of the friendship-IT IS NECESSARY TO CUT THAT PERSON LOOSE! God wants what’s best for you.

One of my favorite authors/psychologists, who just recently passed, is Dr. Wayne Dyer. His book, Pulling Your Own Strings, is all about claiming your POWER. His life was a gift to the genre of self-help literature. His writings and wisdoms are beneficial for mental health and forming healthy relationships.

I am blessed that I have a group of Godly girlfriends. They are my Annam Cara’s. This is a Gaelic term that means your Spiritual Soul Providers. If I’d call them in the middle of the night, they’d be there. Those are true friends…and they know it would be reciprocated. They hold my heart in their hands. My concerns are their best interests.

In order to have such friends, you have to be that friend. Any relationship that fulfills your soul, is worth working on and reciprocating.

If you are listening to the Spirit about friendships and relationships, you will be guided in the right direction.

It’s not “all about you!” The love and joy that one receives when you learn to give back, or pay it forward is overwhelming. True joy comes when you learn to become a nurturing friend for someone else, as well.

One of my nearest and dearest has been dealing with family drama for many years. Needless to say, when one person treats her badly, she retreats with a cool spirit. She always takes the high road and treats them kindly. If one returns the ignorance of their bad manners and self-absorption, one becomes just like them.

Young women, listen wisely to the Spirit. Pray for Godly men, that will SHARE….in raising children. Please******* love yourself and respect yourself enough not to give yourself to the first Dude that says, ”I love you. ”Thank God, I chose wisely.   You can be assured that the prayers of my Mother, Granny, and the way they raised me, led me to the right spouse. Had God not taken over my life, some relationships could have been my demise.

You don’t need 3 and 4 children by different men…. You don’t need to fill your sorrows with drugs, food or drink….all to prove your worth as a woman. You may have had a very absent parent, that left a huge hole in your heart. Trust me, I get it!  However, only God can fill that void

The man you choose to marry should be your best friend*** not your bedfellow/drinking/drug partner. Friendship must be tested and tried. When a friendship comes to fruition, you share the same morals, values, and ethics.

I attended an all girls Catholic high school in the 60’s. I have no confidants from that era.  I was not one of the “cool ones,” and happy to be so. With a lot of pride, self- righteousness, jealousy, and immaturity among my classmates, I shyly backed off. High school was not a great experience for me. I have my college roommate with whom I remain close. However, my true confidants have been with me for 25 years.

I dated a ton in college, and heard a few, ”I love yous.” Thank God I didn’t fall into the arms of those losers.

Your Annum Cara’s (best friends) should be like a fine wine. They become perfect with age. These are the friends that know you inside and out. They are expert LISTENERS!  If they see me going down the wrong path, they gently take my hand and say, ”This way, Girlfriend.” It is totally because they give and share unconditional love and grace. They have my back in all situations (as does my man of 45 years ).

Youth is eager to bleat out TMI over social media. One must be earnestly careful concerning what is “put out there” for everyone to read. Do not incriminate yourself, for it will be used against you.

As you form your friendships, ask yourselves the following questions:

*Does this friend have your best interest at heart?

*Does this friend want to involve you with drugs or sexual immorality? UH! YEAH!

I’m 67, but went to college in the Hippie/drug culture. So I’m not an Old Codger who doesn’t get it.

God forbid if/when they make marijuana legal. In my college days drugs were all around us…so I have been there and I get it…it’s cool to be with the “IN” Crowd. However the only thing I ever smoked were cigarettes…and quit after 3 yrs. in college.

 

Am I a Saint?……..Only through His Grace.

*Are you connected with people that are winners? Do they have goals and positive dreams for their lives? Do they aspire to further their education after high school?

* Do they create DRAAAAAMA? Run from them if they do. They will not only draw you into anger/anxiety/depression, but also give you a Bad Rapp and destroy your reputation.

* Do you feel joyful and unconditional love when you are with your friends?

* Are you involved with friends that give to others in need?

*Are you involved together in some sort of community fellowship? Ten years ago my son’s senior class began a 6a.m. prayer breakfast at a local restaurant. It still functions with the high school students in our community. Young Life is another Christian Youth Fellowship that is a great influence.

*Are you involved in sports, club activities, or student council? Being involved in activities allows you to be involved with FRIENDS THAT ARE WINNERS–not losers who are involved with sex, drugs, and alcohol.

Here is a BIG SUGGESTION! Many young people think that parents/ grandparents are stupid and know nothing. Helloooo! According to our sons we, at one time, took stupid pills also.

If you are having problems with parent confidentiality, find yourself a wise, experienced, elderly mentor.   Get on a website of WW2 heroes that can give advice. Yes, people from The Greatest Generation have tons of life experience and wisdom.

As a youth, I realized my Granny’s wisdom and experience in making positive choices. She said that she stood by the dock of the river in Cincinnati, as young men departed for the Spanish American War. She told me of getting the headlines about the Titanic. I heard stories of how her brother Al, served in WWI. There were many more stories about attitude, spirituality and strength as she and my newly wed parents survived WWII.

Granny always said, ”Age is the best teacher…..with Age Comes Wisdom!”   How right she was. She set the foundation for my life.

At 67 I’ve counseled many as a 30 year educator, wife of 44 years, and a mom of 3 sons. My sweet farmer husband and I have helped to mentor many young men that our sons brought home. I have mentored many young women going through depression. I am a winner and a strong survivor.

 

Our 3 sons had strong male role models through the parenting of a strong, Christian father and grandfather. That’s why they are now God-fearing men who are all teachers and football coaches, who mentor many.

I am now a granny.  I have much to share.

 

Sirach 37:15 Most of all, pray to God to set your feet on the path of truth. Remember….Life begins when you make choices.   Listen to the Spirit….Question the quality of the people you hang with….Choose wisely. You will truly gain, and spare yourself a great deal of pain.

 

May the peace and wisdom of the Holy Spirit be yours.

Love and prayers,

Granny